Sunday, April 09, 2006
Om-ing The Domin
domin the domanatrix
too oming with your domin
you are oming
who would have thought
be blue think red blue i beg of you
who would have thought oming would make a domin
om-ing would have made a domin
I once OM-ed, I do not recommend it, I once O.M.D...I am sorry, I have just been crying and 'rapping' my mistakes, and events to myself...om-ing the domin, i think domin means assembly, but I do not know...how to write this?
I once, said the word Om, es, it all occurred in that bedsit, I saw another image of someone looking at me, with flashing green eyes, 'I thought you were dead!'...I now know this is in a SOAD song, a warning too late from them perhaps...
I thought of someone when that happened, I tell myself without even thinking of the words as I walk out barefoot in the rain on the patio, pacing to and fro, that I should not have thought of her name in the midst of this alien encounter, IF I can think they are aliens, all this blame lies on angels. Her name, was a sister of an ex of mine who was very beautiful and amongst other things, walked over, I call her silver. I don't know what I am writing right now. I jsut wonder how they are. I get annoyed and accuse them of saying she was 'retarded'. Perhaps I am 'dumb' as my sister says, my little sister hears me and the Lhasa Apso talk, when he tells me I am not talking to a dog, but to the Buddha in him, I say, 'don't fart on this bed.' and she laughs in her sleep, I keep hoping she can have good dreams, and I have wished this for the last few nights. When my brother came home today, he was immediately assailed by the Lhasa Apso, shouting at him for calling Michal a dog. This is either laughs or tears. The Lhasa Apso, tells me about a man I had once met, and this has caused lots of sadness in me, and little hope, and then lots of joy, and then questions and reasonings, and circumstance and unfortunately even my baby cousin was actually 'singing' this information as though it will end up being good news.
I keep putting on a pointless tired 'foreign' voice, in the middle of typing this...
I saw an 'old' friend today and we talked a lot though often I do not listen and told him so, he has been reading Isiah, I asked him if he had got to the 'end of the world' bit, and said that is why I don't read it, I also told him revelations is a 'black book'..., he thinks I should see a minister, I told him myself I need to speak to someone but i said i do not know if this man could handle it, he is calling him tonight or tomorrow, I would rather carry on, or perhaps talk, and I kept mentioning that I would prefer to go to catholic church, though I think I can talk straight to this man and explain some things or he could himself...my friend is planning to live in Poland to work as a caretaker in a church there because he loves the country, the 'chivalry'...LQ...laugh. quietly...he draws strange doodles, of plants eating people, and I told him I have drawn a 'pigdog'.
When I got up today, I smoked a cigarette first thing in the morning, all I have done for most of this day is smoke and sit there thinking or not thinking while I play tetris and lemmings.
I have many things to think about especially one particular memory that came to mind on Level 7 of tetris, a dream of someone of when I was a teenager, and I said to her and myself, 'all you gave me was that apartment'...and it then started to rain intensely.
The Lhasa Apso, refused to walk through the rain to the shop today, we had crossed the road and he had stopped completely, shivering, I tried to drag him a little, and then I picked him up and carried him and then put him down again but he would not move and he lifted his right paw, and I talked to him and checked his paw but could see no injury, I picked him up again and carried him until the rain stopped a little, and he was warmer...
When I woke up this morning, or rather early afternoon, I looked at the state of my tatty hair, in the window and at how skinny I am, but then, I thought of a video I had seen of that young woman who had been kidnapped by the men claiming these people are Christian Crusaders, how I am too miserable when I do absolutely nothing like they do, no work for God, just this strange outer thinking, constant thinking and arguing, and praying, though never praying enough, and then just wnating to selfishly get on with any kind of life, and find the things that will make me happy, and I sat down finally on that sofa, with a cup of tea, and now my back aches, while my parents watched Golf, as though I was thinking a little prayer, and my hands felt light, as though there was some stronger power in there. But I did not stay on the sofa for long, and ran back upstairs to sit on the bed, to keep out of the way of my parents and the televison, for christians once wrote that it was 'pagan to pray in public', Jesus was said to actually said this and I understand this very well, but of course only in certain circumstances.
The Lhasa Apso, jumped on my bed last night, and slept by my feet, I am not the type to let dogs jump on my bed, I am not the type to keep dogs, but I am finally caring about them. The other dog Alfie now believes he is King Of The Dogs. I notice he challenged another dog in the street:
'Who do you think you are??!!!' the other dog said.
''Keep 'em white, mate!' replies Alfie. He is very much an Alfie sort. He shouts a lot at the neighbours, particularily one girl who seems to stand in her backgarden, giving me criticisms and advice. I hope to God, she is not a dog.
Yes, this is almsot heartbreaking, but I can get on with things. This keyboard does not work very well, and so my writing is stilted and my back hurts, and often I get pins and needles, and walk about like an old woman, I need to buy a bicycle, and do some exercise, and I am very depressed about never seeing that girl who will remain called a random letter for now.
4 years ago