A Problem

Friday, June 23, 2006
A Problem

how to heal the world, while men kill the world? I have objectionable practical reasons for why this will not work, a woman told me she wishes god to rise, i say i dont know how, how to make men believe i have been crowned and annointed, how to find men and women with god...

i want to see men dance in a line, clapping their hands saying, the son in law has found a new queen with god!...and yesterday i hear news i have given Israel, how Jesus would forgive me for being gay, so why worry? and i don't just, i worry, about everything getting out of control, when we are so far away from each other, as though pragmatic is best...and it fills my heart and i am full, yet something always breaks it...

and poetic white linen over my body, and her tears, and her the other her...

bring my family back to god, find work, go to a family with god, never lay around in bed

i have hidden myself for too long, now what?

i have so many ideas, to create, and to realise the miracle Wei Mu and I have created...write to a female rabbi, make ideas, create frescos of the people i see, picnic...

a 'shost'

they tell me, men will write...

good fortune: today we are happy/ in the 1920's gay mean't happy.

God is good: if you could ask for one miracle or more, what would it be?

I await a miracle that has already occurred, in march, everything in my life will either be turned full volume or become tranquil...and tranquil is best...

the sounds in my room in April will be blessed by a third soul...

imagine you are one, unified in flesh to your partner, as Matthew 19 verse 4 says...and what if you were told your partner is both? and how would events conspire if you could not find her, yet she was often there....? JUST LIKE GOD.

imagine if you are two souls, like they say God is, feminine and masculine...
and parthenogenesis...a science that since 1980 has been worked on by both french and japanese...

on April 21st, Mr. Kono, found two mummy mice, put half their chromosomes together from each egg, and created a female baby that could go on to have more babies...
I think about how I feel her in my womb, which I believe means my words affect her, how she grows, what she will be like, but mummy is drinking juice, and already getting morning sickness, and my words float down into that space in my belly, yet I think I forget 'be good'. 'be god'.

i think about a battle I fought two days ago...a black shadow of an evil cat in the shape of a man, pulling at her hair, stamping on her head, kicking me in the face, forcing us apart from each other, how to sit there crosslegged praying while I see him/It isn't enough, and I have a dagger in my hand, and force it into a shoulder blade, push him back off her against a wall, and explode him with light...more of them come whilst I move myself to the floor with a towel on my head, more prayer, and more prayer from a girl that hears me in Israel...I put white petals in her bed, I holler quietly like a native american and tell her to wait because she cannot see, she can only hear me shout DIE!! and THE POWER OF GOD! as I spin into the air and kick him in the chest, as I watch her lay there quietly in the white petals, I still see his shadow walk behind her, I stab him in the leg, I pull at his ankles, nine of them, they fall into balls of dust, I put their death into my head, to protect the house, yet am told to pull that out...

I am in this bed I have made on the wooden floor, covered in one sheet, and It has scuttled across the floor like a lightening rat...

when the girl finishes her hebrew prayer, we are safe in our own zone, and I tell her as my eyes flash green, and turn my face to the pillow and whisper that hers are too blue...

I cover her in the sheet, my left arm over her chest and her soul, and tell her, i have put blue hurt into her, or rather that I have that myself, and ask her to send me a light through my body like pink love...

'i want you to love me.'

and she does...