Are You Hearing Voices?

Saturday, February 18, 2006
Are You Hearing Voices?

er...so the Scottish worker called...'You're Aunt called..' (which one?, the one that heard me shout 'I'm blue, so you can all get fucked??!!' and went 'wahhh!!!' sitting upstairs doing her 'ohhh T.B is great!!science homework...(I'm proud of her mature studentity...asI smoked a cigar too heavily, with a ripped up hood over my head coat, on a bench next to some guy, who was saying 'I just want to stroke, and feel....' ...as my cousin smirked sat there and told me he had been with all these birds was moving in with one, no money, no care, tells some guy he imagines killing blokes,

some reason I don't fucking care...

.telling some guy all about some kind of f-ing medication I couldn't follow the conversation through...'why don't we go home and write a punk song? is this too fucking Torah for you!!??'...and I heard about a gang fight after a club that I am sore I missed because I need to get out more...

Social Worker: 'Are you hearing voices?' 'No, just TV's and people outside and motorbikes...I keep imagining things I wanna do and that are happening, and I just wanna sit and have conversations to get all this stuff out that I need to talk about, but everyone just sits in front of their TV...(like some guy's name got mentioned throughout a 'popular British soap'...while I drank VERY cheap red wine with lemonade at my Nan's granny flat.....sketch, sketch, sketch, scratch...ignore...and there were two soaps in a row and I'm sure they at one point had the same script, some of it actually mad me laugh, most of it sickened me...)...but I draw (did not say: visions) instead, (and leave me alone I have a hangover, no sleep, confusion) and I wrote to some A, girl instead...' 'oh, ok...sounded a bit quietly distressed...'Oh, yeah and I've forgotten about my massive desire for vengeance which has amounted to a strange aura throughout town, and actually you are depressing me, and I think I DO actually need a girlfriend, and yeah it's quite worrying that Scotland has become Nationalist...I hope you are married, so don't look at me with those doe eyes...and something else is bothering me bigtime-stupid'

Yeah, I've been in huge amounts of pain, and lack of privacy and repentance and all the usual, apart from the outbursts of singing in my flat...and the 'Inuit Ghosts'...mystery young women, that reply, innit, through the walls to each of my spoken/unspoken thoughts and when they come to life, play music, make babies talk and bang loudly on pipes, which I find; frightening...and the old married woman puking next door for a few nights and coughing, which I find frightening...

And the detective story: why did he stink and grumble about like an old man in front of a politics programme, IN WHICH he switched on the TVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV, without even fucking asking, as I have hazy nightmarish visions like rocking bodies, with just round black heads on charis, and think I don't like this 'i just wanna stroke, feel...' 3 hours sleep that night like a goddamn soldier of misfortune, hearing him and thinking, chanting; no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nonono no nono...leaves marmite in butter, which had actually

gne mouldy, from donations of butter which everyone forgets i don't even eat...Ur HAh...moves thingsin strange places, 'I'm having a breakdown...(which I've been having for weeks) I spend 40quid on him in pub, where his fucking ADAPTOR gets plugged into a switch in the pub, and we get thrown out of the pub, by a guy I know knows 'people' the one I keep wanting to call a 'faggot' for his dress sense, or because of people...I bring glasses to bar...he fucking starts having a go at me, look buddy I'm good enough to be a fucking barmaid,

why
didn't you ask first???' (I have to live here)

and the HAT in the dirty bath with cream shit on it...my crying breakdown, 'FUCK OFF!!'give him 10 pounds to 'fuck off' because I don't need to tell him my 'pROBlems'...'I'm not ready to meet your Eygpt blood letter exs, just siting there no wanting to go out...BUT 'stroke and feel...' and goes fucking nuts because his ADAPTOR 'breaks'...for ages...

lame, my head hurts can't write everything...) he writes my address down

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING????!!!! I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE!!!!'

He sneakily writes it down again, 'what did you just put in your pocket???!!!...I tell him to get out...follow him...SEARCH HIS POCKETS and in doing so pull back the tenner...'you can have that...'

Back to breakdown....

And then I refuse to feel well in that bedsit and don't wash until I have cleaned the bath with bleach, fall asleep with bleach on my sleeves...wash the next day, but my loafer is burnt, scrub scars on myself with a bath cleaner brush....

...there are bite marks on my fucking lid of something...his towel, all now some kind of shit hanging around in my hallway........

And nevermind, the fact that Pool wants to beat him up, that everytime Pool fucking talks to me, his in my face..........................this is THE LAME VERSION

I had enough and got drunk on shandy last night.neverending hell
Actually enjoyed a band that kept singing SUICIDE...though sure one of the songs was something like...'burn the nigger'...DID YOU HEAR THAT POOL??' nodnodnodnod...but I like dancing to the evil music in the background, both the singers were shite, ended up in an E pub afterwards after Pool threatened me not to go there...'give me a
puff on that fucking joint..' walk off...

Get high...

drink neverending amounts of lemonade... see Woodman checking out a young girl's arse, feel sick, smoke another cigar...get asked to leave, for looking miserable?? walk home

leave

book
about a Chinese family in thereI borrowed from my Nan......

AND ETC..............

i'M HEARING ANGELS.....???????????????

ROLL ON THE APPEALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL