April 20 2006

What I Have Just Discovered And Am Careful, Or Not,To Write.

friday:

Leave an easter egg for the high priestesses
the high priest calls me a pig.
the dog eats the egg.

tell me not to worry about the temple, sure it's being looked after
saturday:

day:

the high priest returns and tells me they were true light.

she tells me I AM THE KING OF IRELAND
we say together, yes and you are my davidian wife, a daughter,
I tell her 'acidously' that I hate Ireland
She says it was God's gift to me...and if I say this again, she jokingly says she will throw a tornado at me, I tell her to think about my family in this region. No tornados. Here.

sunday:
Remember a friend, who has recently been killed, I have found it hard to greive, but threw lots of things and the floor and blurted out, I want them down, Dov.

ban television...have four hours sleep, waking up in a low voice in front of a cookery programme, talking about Heaven and Earth. Realise we have cancelled the earthquake, that day.

monday:

Go to tell my family, don't talk about my family. Have a fight with my mother, stab her in the arm with a teaspoon. See my Grandmother. Two african women walk past the house and shout that there has been an earthquake in Africa. Old Mrs. Sikh neighbour shouts at the children outside, after hearing me talk aloud about my troubles in an empty house, am unable to sleep, and very hungry from lack of food. She tells them to pray to God, or else, she screams and becomes a warrior, I warn her she may be being too naggging, playing football is fine. And tell my Aunty, she takes me back to the towerblock where there is still no electricity, I talk to her as though I am warning her what will happen if I go back near that man with the television, my cousin tells her off on the phone, she gives me bread and cheese to eat.

The 'man upstairs' plays his loud television, someone shouts Nazis on live TV, I automatically scream Cossacks, (do not know what they word means) Please turn the television down, and Spic bitches, losing control, when I hear that word I feel shot in the head, sing Sacre au dela Sacre. Until I feel better and can sleep. We sing together.

Tuesday morning:

I speak to her that morning, she is reading a book, NO I AM NOT WRITING A BOOK,

THEY ARE SELLING YOU, SELLING ME, SHE IS UPSET, she has long hair, I do not want to go to sleep, so, she tells me to go to bed. I have been lying around often and sitting in the garden, crying often...

I TELL HER I LOVE HER, SHE KISSES ME ON THE HEAD, MY HEART FINALLY BEGINS TO HEAL AND GET FULLER.

WE ASK FOR THOSE AROUND US TO BRING BACK LOVE. I decide to go out, perhaps wander into town, feeling 'high', Dad has my prescription though and has unfortunately forgotten to pick up the medication.

This becomes a problem of not being able to sleep.