Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sunday, May 28, 2006
LIGHT

two seconds break through on the telephone,
two seconds left to feel light, two seconds of mistaken words
and spies...

i find it funny how my words can falter in three
rice, lice, rice, lice

i find it funny baking tea and discussing scones
rice, lice, rice, lice

I find it funny how kings are kept quiet
and squires never appear

planes are plain on the plains of spain
insane and vain
rice and lice

The discussion:

As I wander through the town I feel foolish again, looking for life yet in trouble I feel from wiritng my last post and the disussion behind the Dome, I buy a coffee, the girl who works behind the counter is asked a question, is it stressful for her to work here, she replies it is, but she can handle it, NOT her exact words,her workmate replies if I talk to her againg she will feel much better, I will go to talk to her again, I tell I could not handle the stress myself as I blame myself for standing too near a woman that spills her tea on the counter for being electric or some such...borrow a lighter from a woman talking to her friend next to me, Erhu has got into her head and she is talking about God again...don't blame Erhu,...I have books in my bag, the dreaded Dumas, told I should read that, I feel it is devilish, gets too black on me reading about Cucmetto for example, if he was being hidden by a young orphaned soon to be married couple, and YOU were that couple would you hide him nobly OR would you take three thousand francs for his life, ? and then having done the right thing, have him reappear as the brigand who then offers you a bag of gold for your good deed...so, if, badly written...and confusing...so, then read the New Testament, relieves an old woman who stares at me continously whilst I drink coffee,...which is in my jacket pocket, yet as I walk along the road, I feel the book has been cut through, or as though I have been cut in the side...

Whilst, I have this bad feeling, that for one, a cleaner tells me she would be shot in the head in the precinct if she spoke to me, rather unreasonable, and leaves me considering that we are in fact still in Africa, strange, someting to do with fat security guard watching on the cameras and the fact some black women keep calling me and looking at me like I am a lesbian, I walk a long way and go to the takeaway in the rain, there is an emergency, as if we have suddenly all died whilst i walk past cars full of bad men to my auntie's house, i wander past the takeaway look in, walk further then turn back and walk in wanting the 'plainest rice' as I feel now is not the time to eat, i sing a song in mandarin/hebrew that feels like nonsense words as I always add ding dong afterwards, yet I recognise the word: "'Hosanna' pray to God", as I look at the list, the women are on the phone taking orders, they tell each one to pray to Jesus...a small miracle, from humble good women, perhaps that is what they tell the customers to do all the time and I am sure each customer listens to them...

I sit there on the bench, rocking praying almost, staring at a carving of ancient chinese men in robes, smelling bad, like my feet have been put into dog's poo, believing men are claiming my writing about a Queen has been like poop...I guess...or perhaps just shouldn't lay around on the grass in this garden...

I walk to my aunties to eat, Erhu says she will hold my hand there if Aunty gets too black on me, but this doesnt happen, I am polite a possible, Aunty thinks the devl is cool or something, bloody hippies, I can eventually bring myself to talk to the cat, as this cat is MY pet cat, believing there is no devil in this cat...look at Rum Diary's by Hunter S. Thompson, borrow it without telling Jimbo who is away...I am left alone in the house to smoke and eat, while my cousin is upstairs writing an essay, I lay down on the sofa, hands clasped together, I hear the neighbours through the thin walls,

As i talk to Adel, the sun begins to shine through a gap in the curtain, i realise when i get up that hours have passed,

she says the 'nurse is being shut.' NHS?

that Erhu, keeps telling her she is the best! getting on her nerves, and then Adel and I say then we have all adopted the Hong Kong is best! idea from a young girl I am distantly related to...I say Erhu is being a renegade, (there is an old dance song I sing at times, Renegade Master) what with her ordering men dead, etc...getting into people's heads...

we talk for a long time, and she annoints my head...I see her stroke my hair and feel the oil run down my face, down my lips, I feel in another zone whilst I hear people drive past, I feel they are becoming full of light...

the scales have been taken down, and yet we are told we are wailing when really we both work for God...

Then we finish talking, and my cousin upstairs asks me to stay longer as though I need to protect her because: a group of teenagers appears outside, talking about drugs, and more, a young girl, says as i try to sit quietly, that she is a maid! NOT a cleaning maid, the young men argue yet they all talk with each other seperately and loudly getting their own disgusting words out ina competition to annoy whoever they believe is in the house, AND THEN I feel this girl is fighting them, finally standing up to them, I tell her I'm not a guidance consellor, and that I would have kept quiet around boys like that at her age anyway, I reply to her as she walks away, being a maid would have mean't she got into the palace...these kids are weird and full of attitude, and I know they are purposely hanging around outside the house, one of them jumps out with; 'and i will be in the fires of hell'...wth no prompting from me but being full of God's angry words, as they interrupt this...

I feel great yet I go back into black when Mum is sitting there with the TV on, and I am drawing Alfie and the cat Babs, with Orly he tells me the woman he can hear through the TV is a witch, it makes me ill, and I call my mum a bitch as we argue about her not even watching whatever she has on the TV, it puts a headache in me, and I'm calling for righthandedness......and so on with the story...some confusion in that moment...I sit in front of the TV to talk with the 'witch' stroking the dogs ears, yet feel a bit, weird goth man in the manor, spooky, putting his left ear down, 'close your left ear' meaning...

I've written enough, yet again not very well, the above poem has no explanation, just another silly private conversation...