Monday, March 27, 2006 LETTERS TO ME

Monday, March 27, 2006

First, I thank you that you are sharing this things with me. I understand. I might won't understand 100 precent, but I do understand your pain. I know it is hard. Loosing the baby of your sister, it is hard. you are ALOUD to grieve. it is healthy and it is your right.
About seeing things. The bible says that our war is not against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities in the realms. The devil hate us,a nd he is sending powers and spirits from his kingdom to let us down and effect us. what you are going throught is changeble. YOU ARE ABLE TO GET A VICTORY over this things. JESUS took all the sins of the world and the pain on the cross so we might be set free, and get an everlasting life. I know it works cause I have been there, having nightmers and seeing bad things, and going through a hard time. PRAY to JESUS and ask Him to forgive you for the sins, knowing He forgave you, walk in his direction, knowing that God loves you an accepts you. God loves you and you are important to Him. He sees your pain and will never let you down. Hold on to this things I am telling you cause it can ave you life and change the situation, only if you believe. Having faith is what counts here. without faith it is imposible to please God. IT IS POSSIBLE, AND FREEDOM CAN BE YOURS --------.
please, pray and after you pray, let me know how you are doing. you need to find a place in a different inviorment where there is real believers in the Lord. not catholic or orthodox christians but christians like you met here in the land, and there is there in england as well.
I will be praying for you as well.
write me soon as you can.

Now, how can I write to this friend of mine, I have already posted this personal letter on here, and I FELT SO WEAK THIS MORNING< MY BODY ACTUALLY FEELS TERRIBLE, ANY SMALL BAD WORD AND MY HEART BREAKS OUT AGAIN, I THINK TOO MUCH AND IT SINKS THROUGH MY BODY...I HAVE NOT GOT ENOUGH TIME FOR ALL THIS YET, BUT IT SEEMS AS THOUGH TIME IS RUNNING OUT, IS THIS A PERSONAL CALL OR DO I NEED TO HAVE IT LET KNOWN???

I AM TOO WEAK, AND EMPTY, MOTHER MAKE ME GOLDEN, A SONG I FOUND I KEEP REPLAYING, KEEP SINGING IT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE BACK, ARE THINGS TOO POLITICAL,

I SIT AND LISTEN IN A STATE OF TRYING TO BREATHM, SQUAT DOWN IN THE GARDEN, BUT DO NOTHING ELSE, TRY TO LISTEN AND THINK OR RATHER NOT THINK...LISTEN

I KNOW I CAN BE CALM, I HAVE TIDIED THE KITCHEN, DID THE WASHING UP TWICE, WITHOUT A WORD IN ORDER TO KEEP MY MIND SOLID AND MY FEELINGS FULL:

'YOU KNOW THEY WERE KILLING US.'

I WORRY ABOUT GOD, AND DID I MEET HER?, A WOMAN FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE? I CANNOT DIVULGE HER NAME, I HAVE BEEN TOLD NOT TO MENTION HER THAT IS AN AGREEMENT, A STEADY NOD OF AGREEMENT, ALREADY I AM DIVULGING THIS BUT YOU NEED NOT WORRY, AS

DURING THIS VISION, I KEPT HEARING

THEY ARE KILLING DOVID

THIS IS, THIS SONG; MOTHER MAKE ME GOLDEN, IS AN ASCENSION A PAIN, A RELAXATION...

BUT THEY CAN'T...

I WILL WRITE TOMORROW...IF I CAN FIND THE WORDS...

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Rains stops and rain doesn't stop
People fly by...
Hello
Goodbye...

We are Messianics! Christians,

My American friend, beautiful and handsome and full of prayer, lives in a Tornado afflicted area I worry that he has not written to me for a week now, but i have been keeping this out of my mind.

I have finally begun to finish a book of mine, this quote:

'To be virtuous wihtout instruction is superhuman (I went over this phrase last night, kept replacing superhuman with noble)

To be virtuous and instructed is reasonable.

To be instructed and incorrigible is to be a fool.

The postcard is yet to be delivered.

HALT FOUL PARANICACS, EDUCATE THY MIND TO THE ELEVATED BELIEF THAT THERE ARE MORE DIMENSIONS THAN THE ONE YOU WALK, AND TOGETHER THEY WORK IN UNITY FOR THE UPHOLDING OF HONOUR AND LOVE THROUGHOUT THIS WORLD AND THE ABOVE.

I HAVE BEEN SENT BACK AND FORTH THROUGH THESE MEETINGS, AND ONE DAY THE TWAIN SHALL MEET, JESUS LIVES, AND THE STATE OF THE UPPER WORLDS IS IN MISERY AND WORRY FOR BELOVED EARTH. YET HOPE PERVADES FOR MESSENGERS WORK FOR THE EQUILIBRIUM OF TWO.

'do not tell them/me you are mad!!!'

do not mention her name again, this is trouble for all of us (a dear little fool I am or worse; idiocy veiled in warnings), her tall height, her dark eyes, her dark hair, (I am not talking of myself, I am talking of a palace somewhere between the sky and our minds, pathetic explanations, but a not quite subdued careful examination of your own dogmas, lack of manners, concept of aspects that one appertains to stomach whilst you eat food over your computer keyboard.)

(TO YOU)

this one is your Queen FOOLS, not some dream of a lover of mine, but of one of your Kings.

(but I try to be funny) gusts of anger through the wind...

(this words are pathetic, I have no need to shout, read my words, little paranicacs, I have a more political edge in tow of present crisises...)

for a zion of biformed colour,
for a love that breaks
my heart floats out to those in need of heart
my rationation
my irra fear
perplexity of distempered values
a sorry state of forgotten words lifted by emotion

Here is a song: StereoLab, Eye of The Volcano.

I am giggling yet seriously sombre
and almost cured,
good to take ones mind of the eventual...

I recieved an email from a friend I met in Israel, he calls himself a messianic but this election day email, presented the option for a far right leader, now, this 'dude' does not even have to live there, though he travels in and out often, and is Jewish, and of course I am holed up in England until all this passes through, what with my revelatory visions I am unable to find the right channels in which to exonerate thus recieved messages, I am fighting demons in my own back yard as it were, a war fought in beds, I have seen his face, and now after this impending wait, all shall seem to be much as though I have lost my 'job' and karma being an abrupt misfortunate only of my own devising, though I have:

'Come back' To God...

Idiocy prevails in my own short life, I fear for the friend who lives and works in the Holy Land, the one who has sent me the email below, which in this time, I feel unable to reply to, though I am in the process of explanation, I wonder how she has fully percieved my message, perhaps church, perhasp I would be better off, travelling like a young pilgrim throughout talking to people I meet, though I guess the madness and preconcieved notions that are already instilled in them will make this a dire task.

This friend in no way wants to see an end to the love for Christianity and in no way does the rest of her community wish to see a far right party take over the Holy Land, this is my worry, I will never again return there, perhaps, though to be serious and still and reasonable rather than my recent half abandonment of my functions, this a test of my own actions, and with the karma and feeling pervading throughout this moment of mass joint prayer, perhaps this will to obeisance will never fully function if i do not in one way or another devote myself in part to charity and life, impossible to entirely devote myself to an institution, in part to devote myself into, the work of God in this World of Light, not the war of dreams and egotistical animalistic dropping of good will, and action.

This is a matter of waiting for news. Nothing else, I live on the outskirts of any real dedication in the matters of the world.

schizophrenic signing out.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Streams Of Tears and Consciousness

I didn't pray, you know why? In this underground Zion, like in Leicester Square, a man offering tickets said: 'Bacon.' yes, mister, I had been eating bacon consecutively that time for the last few days, a neccessity of needing to eat perhaps you could smell it on me, as I had fried some for my brother before I went out that night, I was deeply annoyed at all the madness around me, so walked off and picked out Ham and Mushroom pizza.

In this Underground Zion, a middle-aged woman dressed in a headcovering, wearing glasses, whispers to my friend outside the pizza shop as I stand there, not even talking to friend as she is even about to flirt with the man behind the counter, a whole catalogue of happy flirting, fine, I'm just not taking part in it...I listen half attentively, thinking, 'why are you not talking to me? when I know you actually are talking to me, and you have made my young friend believe you are insane, and NO, we are not lovers.' I chew on my pizza like an overgrown perturbed and numb young man, and listen:

Something about, how...I have too much attitude...I catch the last words in the sentence, but she is looking down and whispering, friend says little apart from perhaps that's nice, and we carry on on our way, and I do not grab old woman and scream for explanation in her face...

I think perhaps she means not enough attitude...

I have many aspects to worry about, these 'flesh and blood' they are the demons, (see post below) brought up on their own animal instincts, their 'man' views of lesbianism or any other paranicac, a new word, a paranicac attitude of opinion and confusion and hate, or rather sensitive emotion which whenever written down and read out loud is percieved as lesbianism...one has to make a distinction here, there seems to be a monsoon outside...it is getting very dark...perhaps I should not write this perhaps I have so much to say it is best, to 'remain Buddhist,' and keep quiet...

The influx of the cosmos, my job is too remain calm, consider each word of mine, but in my misery I see things are not all well even on one little trip to the newsagent...

I have given my phone number to a Sikh, he does not carry a dagger, and acts rather strangely, I tell him whilst he stands behind the counter taking down my number, having offered to take me out to the Sacred Heart, a temple I believe in this locality...not to call me for a week, the other men in the shop are standing in another aisle, whispering something about, madness...etc...he tells them:

'God has been shattered.' and breaks out of any worry I had of his animalistic attitude.

There is little much I can say here...

Toader:, (I have promised to call my Australian girl when the weather in my mind breaks through, to meet for a coffee, I have already told her how I have visions, but worry it will be hard to meet up with her, I had called her late one night at the weekend, after the stress of the pub night, with tears in my eyes, she seemed quite calm, and just said: 'Call me tomorrow', I liked the way she said that, it was grown and reassuring, I did not call her, my mistake, but a text and an explanation and then another call sober, at the weekend) Toader: a spade that is used to squash cane toads...'you have given me back my Toader!!!!!!!!' WE SHALL SQUASH THE CANE TOADS WITH OUR ART/HEART!!!!

I am not freaking out so much now, mentally, physically...I think my friend's prayer worked...I still need to think and write back to her...

perhaps I can not write to you, that being in the presence of God and hearing his words has affected us all into a state of soul war,

I read the following sentences to Elías Contreras, which he himself had written:

"Resistance is averting the fate which is being imposed from above, at just the right time, exerting the necessary force and thus destroying that disaster and those who are contriving it for us."

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I STOLE SOME M&M PEANUTS!!!!!!!!!

YES HILARIOUS!!

I WAS UPSET, I 'GLASGOW-KISSED' THE CHOCOLATE SECTION WHILST WAITING IN A QUEUE BEHIND A VERY POLITE MAN AND A DISCUSSION ABOUT 'WHAT SPORT ARE YOU WATCHING ON T.V?' ENGLAND???' AS I WAS CONTEMPLATING BUYING M&M'S I THOUGHT, 'OH, ARE ENGLAND PLAYING A FOOTIE MATCH??' AND WAS GOING TO ENQUIRE...BECAUSE THE ONLY FOOTBALL TEAM I SUPPORT IS ENGLAND (AND CELTIC WHEN THEY ARE PLAYING, AND SCOTLAND TOO, AND SOMETIME AGO CHILE BECAUSE OF THE HIGH SKILL OF THE PLAYERS, AND DURING THE WORLD CUP I WOULD SUPPORT THOSE GOOD-LOOKING (OF THE MAJORITY) TEAMS, SOUTH AMERICAN TEAMS ARE VERY SKILLED PLAYERS...BUT MISTAKENLY WALKED OUT AFTER PAYING FOR CIGARETTES, WITH A PACKET OF M&M'S IN MY HAND, WHICH WAS IN MY POCKET...

WONDERFUL

WILL PAY BACK PRICE OF M&M'S NEXT TIME I GO TO THAT SHOP, UNDERSTANDING GENTLEMAN SIR...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 Going Back

How many Galaxies are there on this planet?

And who can answer this serious space between us?

This blog has been a lie...if I were to write the space between us...I am afraid everything would fall down and apart...

if I were to write the space between us and find the ones who have been through this experience I would know they are too poor to tell me everything...this galaxy, and four hundred others, and human forms... a galaxy of giants...a galxy wherein everything you say in one lifetime creates your own reality...

for example, were you to tell your children there were ghosts in this house...then they themselves would become echoes like ghosts, as I wander around to make some breakfast, I hear the echo my brother has left behind from talking to friends and his door is always closed, so I believe he is still there, then wander the empty house and find no-one...

What if, in the space between us, you had once had a memory that your family had been replaced by another family, call them aliens, in the space between us...

Myths know more of reality, than this plastic future does...Myths can be wrong unless you experience spaces in portals between us yourself...

My self is not this self...my self is:

My self knows more than the space between us...
My self is walking in a different uniform and a different body...
And if I were to write the space between us, my ego could make it stronger...and lead me away from standing in queues...

I wonder how you live in that other space,